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☠ CHEAT CODE ☠

↑↑↓↓←→←→BA — you magnificent human

you found the secret. there's more.

// pitschek.net — now with 400% more existential crisis

pitschek

A website by someone who builds infrastructure for fun.
This is what happens when you give a sysadmin too much free time.

scroll
"It's not a bug,
it's an undocumented
feature."
— N. Pitschek, closing his 47th browser tab
01

Breaks things professionally

Years of experience making production systems fail in new and creative ways. Usually fixed by 3am.
 

02

Self-hosts everything

Email, docs, photos, passwords, notes, tasks, finances. If it can run in Docker, it does. On 10 VMs. Yes, really.

03

Writes WebGL shaders

Not because it's practical. Because watching your GPU melt for no reason is deeply satisfying.

04

Automates the mundane

Spent 6 hours automating a 2-minute task. The automation runs once a week. Zero regrets.

05

Over-engineers everything

Why use one server when you can use ten? Why have uptime when you can have uptime AND monitoring AND alerts AND a backup of the monitoring?

06

Hides easter eggs

There are at least 3 secrets on this page. You found one already. Keep looking. Or don't. I'm a comment, not a cop.

0VMs in production
Coffees consumed
0Plans followed exactly
0Self-confidence (unverified)

Move here. Go on.

// HOVER TO DISTURB · CLICK TO EXPLODE · TOUCH TO SMEAR

nikolaus@pitschek — ~

🕵️ SECRET UNLOCKED

You clicked the easter egg card. Here are some actual facts about this setup:

10Netcup VMs
3.5TBNAS storage
~30Docker containers
1Python proxy
for a Bitwarden bug

// yes this infrastructure is real. yes it's excessive. yes i'm proud of it.

[ back to normal ]